Today is not one of my usual upbeat blog posts. Please excuse me, and if you'd rather not read about my grief today, you may just want to by-pass the rest of the post... sorry! See today is one of those days I'd love to be celebrating, but I'm finding it hard to even crack a smile. I'd love to have balloons, some presents, a fabulous girlie pink cake and I'd LOVE to help blow out 4 big candles on top of that cake! Rather I am here at home pondering what I should do with myself today. I could be at work, but instead I took the day off... for Amelia's 4th Birthday. But why? She's not here. Only me. I tell myself I am taking off for her Birthday but the real reason is because I simply can't stand the idea of caring for and spending an entire day with a classroom of "4 year olds" and Amelia not being one of them... afterall, today is HER day! So for right now I sit here crying, and missing her completely. Sometimes I wonder just how much hurt my heart can possibly endure before I fall apart into a million pieces.
So for today, I am going to celebrate with Amelia the only way I know that I can... by remembering her. Just like I do every single moment of every day. I remember her strength and how much fight she had in her wee little body. At only 18 weeks she lived and breathed for 45 minutes. I remember her teenie little wimper of a cry when she came into the world. She gave us a beautiful kitten like wimper that was a joy to my ears. Just as with Ava, we were not expecting to hear them cry... but both of them did. I will never forget the precious sound of either. I remember holding her in my arms and to my heart... and loving on her with utter passion. That passion has not gone away and never will. I remember kissing her sweet little nose... the one that was shaped just like her daddy's and her sister Ava's noses. And I too remember kissing her Good-Bye and surrendering her over to the arms of her Heavenly Father. Amelia is my Angel baby... one of my greatest miracles from God. I want to share her life... no matter how brief. I want to celebrate her!
Amelia, I can only imagine how wonderfully lavished and loved you are up in Heaven. It's difficult for me to comprehend that you could possibly be loved any more than you would be if you were here with me. How could anyone love you more than I do? One day I'll be able to clearly see and to understand, and then I can eternally celebrate with you, and reminisce on all your Birthdays! Happy 4th Birthday, my sweet daughter... mommy's sweet little Angel for all my life! I Love You completely to infinity!
So for today, I am going to celebrate with Amelia the only way I know that I can... by remembering her. Just like I do every single moment of every day. I remember her strength and how much fight she had in her wee little body. At only 18 weeks she lived and breathed for 45 minutes. I remember her teenie little wimper of a cry when she came into the world. She gave us a beautiful kitten like wimper that was a joy to my ears. Just as with Ava, we were not expecting to hear them cry... but both of them did. I will never forget the precious sound of either. I remember holding her in my arms and to my heart... and loving on her with utter passion. That passion has not gone away and never will. I remember kissing her sweet little nose... the one that was shaped just like her daddy's and her sister Ava's noses. And I too remember kissing her Good-Bye and surrendering her over to the arms of her Heavenly Father. Amelia is my Angel baby... one of my greatest miracles from God. I want to share her life... no matter how brief. I want to celebrate her!
Amelia, I can only imagine how wonderfully lavished and loved you are up in Heaven. It's difficult for me to comprehend that you could possibly be loved any more than you would be if you were here with me. How could anyone love you more than I do? One day I'll be able to clearly see and to understand, and then I can eternally celebrate with you, and reminisce on all your Birthdays! Happy 4th Birthday, my sweet daughter... mommy's sweet little Angel for all my life! I Love You completely to infinity!
12 comments:
Have tears in my eyes, you are truly amazing,I know that will be a kiss you will always hold dear((((HUGS)))
Hugs. Very touching story that many moms can relate too. We never will forget!
No words can help you at this time, a gorgeous layout to remember your sweet baby. Hugs to you and thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing your daughter's special day with us. Our little angel's birthdays are always particularly hard to accept (my own son would have been 11 years old this year). I admire your courage in speaking. The warmth of your love has certainly lit up the heavens more than any number of candles would. Happy (belated) birthday to your little Angel!
What sweet and hope filled words you have used to describe you deep love, and equally deep pain. Amelia has not been forgotton, and someday even I will get to tell her so, because you have so bravely shared of her short life. May the peace of the Lord surround you as you celebrate that sweet little life today Andrea.
My heart goes out to you. Your words were gorgeous and I know that whenever she is she can hear them.
Take Care!!
Jennie @ http://earthyscrap.blogspot.com/
Sending you every ounce of ((hug)) strength I can muster, my friend!
thinking of you.♥
I am a little speechless really but I want you to know that I think your page is beautiful. And it has also inspired me because I lost my son Cash at 20 weeks and I held him just like that and the nurse took pictures just like that but I never got them developed...I was looking through my little "Cash" memory box the other day and saw the camera - I think maybe now I go take it in and get them developed. I think I am ready to see him.
Love you,
April
(((HUGS)))) Andrea.
You create the most Heavenly works of remembrance for your children, Andrea. {{{HUGS}}}
I am in tears reading this, I read some of your story during the crop but I can't imagine how difficult your journey has been but thanks for sharing such a difficult subject. God bless you and your family.
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